In March of 2023, my life went through multiple shifts. I hit some of the lowest points in my life but managed to stay grounded. I learned a lot about myself—physically, mentally, and spiritually. I realized this was my moment to finally bring together all the pieces of me that I had scattered over the years. This is my most vulnerable work, and I was determined to share it.
The event took place on the evening of October 27, 2023, at Core Collective, the gym I go to. My self-portraits were displayed around the gym, hanging on the squat racks. At 8:30 p.m., my coach gathered everyone around the monitors to explain a workout. The lights shut off, one spotlight came on, and the music started playing. I made my appearance—my community was waiting for me. The performance was the workout, narrated by me. I had the spotlight, and everything flowed as it was supposed to.
Somehow, I managed to connect it all—self-portraits, storytelling, movement, and sound. Sharing this experience with my community was the final step in completing the piece. It was my way of showing people the real me and my true potential as an artist. I hoped that through this work, others could see the importance of self-acceptance and the power of embracing every aspect of who they are.
THE PERFORMANCE
(Approx. 17 minutes)
The gym became a sanctuary where I could escape and process the stresses and anxieties in my life. This performance captures that journey, using movement, sound, and light to convey my story. The movements embodied the raw emotions of intense workouts—the sweat, the sound of the weights, the panting, and the grunts—all elements that drove the narrative. A single spotlight intensified the setting, creating a raw and intimate atmosphere.
The music and sound clips I used were deeply personal, incorporating influences that resonate with my life, like Zelda, Dragon Ball Z, Halo, Kendrick Lamar, Peso Pluma, and more. Each sound added layers of meaning to the story I was telling. Throughout the performance, my recorded voice narrated the journey, playing continuously in the background. This internal monologue revealed the different parts of my life—my fitness journey, traumatic experiences, romantic relationships, struggles with ADHD, and ultimately, the personal growth that emerged from it all.
THE GALLERY
12 Selected Self Portrait Photographs
(Click to enlarge)
The images reflect my journey of self-acceptance, embracing my brown skin, my identity as a Mexican American, my roots, my masculinity, my sexuality, and the strength I’ve built. I used hard light to cast directly on my body, creating high contrast and sharp shadows. I didn’t plan any specific movements for the poses; I just went with the flow, doing whatever felt right as I played with the lights and shadows.
I took inspiration from classic bodybuilding, male dancer portraits, and even artwork of indigenous warrior men, all of which celebrate masculinity in different ways. Oftentimes, people look up to other male figures, listening to what they have to say and hoping to measure up to them. But I’ve always felt like I could never be like someone else—I had to be my own version of whatever masculinity is. With all my experiences, learnings, and my fitness journey, I’ve gone through a lot and still come out standing tall and true to myself. These self-portraits mean so much to me—they represent the man I’ve become, the man I always wanted to be when I was younger. I’ve become my own hero.
PICTURES AND VIDEO TAKEN BY ATTENDEES
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